Doug
by darkangel38
Summary: Not sure. This is really OLD. It's a Doug angst fic. It sucks and it's NOT accurate, so no flames for that. I warned you. lol R/R
1. Chapter 1

I wrote this when I was like.. 13 or something (I'm 18 now) so it's written quite badly, but I'm a packrat so I kept it around. I think I stole a scene from the original show, but the rest is mine. Obviously it's a Doug fic, and sorry it's not 'up to date'.I also never intended to show this to anyone, so.. read up and R/R please.. :)  
  
PS. I am not accurate with all of the medical mumbo jumbo so BEWARE. lol  
  
**  
  
Awakened by the loud rumbling of the grabage truck across the street, Doug Ross stirred and opened his eyes. His head pounded with a sudden headache and he was drowsy.  
  
"Sheesh.." he grumbled and sat up shirtless, when something flashed in his mind of the events the night before. Doug's head shot to the right and sure enough to his memory, he found a girl sleeping soundly, her short red locks tosseled and falling over her face. Doug closed his eyes and signed. He then picked up his gold rolex watch that sat on his night table and focused on the numbers.  
  
"Shit." Late again. He swung his legs over to the side of the bed and struggled on some blue jeans.  
  
He wasn't usually the type that took home girls from the bar, or even the type that went to the bar (usually), though he could pick up any girl he wanted to with his rugged good looks. At the age of 37 he still looked 10 years younger, with a handsome face and a full head of hair. Doug had been married once but only for a range of two years. Things just hadn't worked out with the pair, or more or less there had been cheating involed on Sharon's part. [Authors note: Yes, I made up Sharon. So sue me. lol] But he was over her now. As far as Doug knew, she was just a little hooch.  
  
He was due in the ER by 10 am and it was already noon. Doug stood up and rubbed his eyes. The girl sleeping on the left side of his bed had not even stirred. He walked over to his side of the bed and pushed her small shoulder a little bit. She moaned and turned her head. Doug sighed.  
  
"Hey," he said and shook her again. Mark Greene was going to be pissed off at him for sure. He was always getting on his case for being late. Always saying that being a doctor comes with responsibility.  
  
The girl awoke then opened her eyes halfway, hair still covering them.  
  
"Get up." Satisfied that she was awake, Doug turned around and found a grey t-shirt on the rug and put it on. His head throbbed even harder now that he was walking around. He then left the bedroom and walked into the small bathroom connected to the hall when he heard her moan again.  
  
"I'm gonna take you home, so get dressed!" He said loudly and looked at himself in the mirror. There was no way to disguise it. He looked like pure hell. Almost like he had been out all night drinking. Perhaps he had. Doug couldn't recall when he had got in.  
  
He splashed some water on his face and walked back into the bedroom to find the girl sitting up, dressed, looking even worse than he did.  
  
"Aghh.. I feel so lousy," she moaned.  
  
"It's just the alcohol talking, now come on."  
  
**  
  
The traffic was unusually heavy that day as Doug geared his silver blazer through. he wanted to get to work as soon as he could. Who cared if he was a couple hours late? Greene. He was going to lecture Doug's ass as soon as he stepped through the door. The femae he had been with last night could barely keep her eyes open.  
  
"Wait.. I left my purse and everything at your place.." she said slowly, but eagerly for a hungover person. "We have to go back.." she extended her left arm and pushed Doug's shoulder. He hesitated.  
  
"I'll mail them to you," he responded. She whined a little bit, closed her eyes and leaned her head back on the seat. She started to push him again. Harder, and more frequently.  
  
"Hey, I'm trying to drive," he said a little irritably. Driving was already hard enough with a pounding headache, the shoving didn't help. She whined again, when suddenly she started to shake like she was having some sort of seizure. A white mixture of spit that looked like foam dribbled out the right side of her mouth and Doug turned his head to her, when he realized what was going on. He turned panicky. She was having an attack and needed immediate attention. Instead of taking her back to her place, he screeched the blazer around and stepped on the gas towards County.  
  
Mark Green looked up from his clipboard and caught a glimpse of his short time "friend" Susan Lewis. The two hadn't known eachother long, only a month or so, but Mark found something different in Susan. Sweetness, and was good with the patients. They talked often, but never spoke of 'going out'. She was busy talking to a 13 year old's parents about their son who was up in the OR.  
  
"Mark, Dr. Ross is here with a seizuring patient," a young nurse peeked behind the counter for a second and then left. Mark threw down his clipboard and pen and mumbled, "About time" as he rushed out to see Doug carrying in a girl who looked to be in her late twenties through the door. She was passed out.  
  
"Doug, what happened?" Mark started to rush along beside him as he looked at the pale female in his arms.  
  
"I was driving her hom when she started seizuring," Doug was not like his usual selt, barking out orders, but was more or less fairly quiet.  
  
"Clear Tramua 1!" Mark said loudly and a bed with a man in a neckbrace was cleared from the space and pushed out. A fresh bed was placed in Tramua 1, and Doug laid down the girl when she started to seizure again, her eyes closed, yet her joints bouncing. Mark started to check her pulse, while Carol and other nurses gathered around the patient to hold her down from shaking.  
  
Doug watched the woman he had brought in, and he worked on a diagnosis. She probabloy had Spilepsy. Drinking alcohol would trigger the controllable disease making it more serious. Once she stopped jumping, Mark took a miniature flashlight and shined it into her pupils.  
  
"What's her name?" he asked, not looking up. His voice didn't sound too curious. Didn't sound like he really wanted to know what had happened together between the two.  
  
"I don't know.." Doug rubbed his eyes. His headache seemed even worse now. He was never going to drink Tequelia again. Carol stood in front of him and turned around.  
  
"Where did you say you found her?" she asked. Doug scratched his head.  
  
"She was with me."  
  
"You were with her and you don't even know her name?" she asked with surprise. Carol and Doug had known eachother since Doug had come to work at County about 3 years ago.  
  
"Doug - Does she do any drugs?" Mark suddenly asked and looked up.  
  
"What? Drugs? Are you serious?" Doug responded.  
  
"She's got a very high level of O.A in her system."  
  
At that point the heart monitor began to beat uncontrollably and she started to shake once more. Doug's head started to buzz and his vision blurred as doctor's and nurses crowed in front of him to help her. As far ah he knew, she would die. The heart monitor stopped beeping and a long dreary tone began that sent shivers down any doctor's spine.  
  
"We need to contact her family.." Mark said as he worked.  
  
"Maybe she left something in my car.." Doug mumbled and left the room and jogged out to his blazer. He opened the door and sat in the driver's seat. Leaning over, he found a small black wallet. (So she hadn't left it at his place after all). After opening it, he found a driver's license with all of the information that they needed. Doug jogged back into the ER to find the panic over.  
  
"I found her namer Nadine Phirffer.." he trailed off, but was interuppted.  
  
"She's gone,"Mark threw down his beige latex gloves and started to walk out of the room.  
  
"Why the hell didn't you tell me she was epiletic?:" then he stormed out. Doug looked back at Nadine's cold, deceased body. All he could think was.. 'I killed her'.  
  
** 


	2. Chapter 2

Sorry for all the typos.. I'll proofread this one. lol REMEMBER: I was young when I wrote this, and it's not accurate at all. Just.. read for the plot.. or something.. lol I could write a better one now if I tried, but I just had this one laying around...  
  
**  
  
There was mosly shock that raced through Doug's body as he sat in the staff coffee toom staring at the wall. He hadn't noticed Carol come in. She poured herself a cup of black coffee and looked at Doug.  
  
"Hey Doug, you doing okay?" she asked with a little bit of concern. It wasn't very common to see him this way. Doug always made himself the tough guy; he could never show people what he was feeling. And he felt that way now. He didn't seem to even hear Carol. His headache now had turned into a major migraine, and he felt that his head was about to explode.  
  
"Hey Doug?" Carol sat down in the seat across from him, blocking his view of the wall.  
  
"Huh?" Doug shifted his eyes to meet hers. He squinted. There was way too much light coming in from somewhere.  
  
"I asked if you were okay. You seemed pretty shakin up over that girl's death." She sipped her coffee.  
  
No feelings at all.  
  
"I'm fine. Just a headache," Doug responded.  
  
"Did you take something for it?" she asked back. Doug nodded even though it was a flat out lie. He hadn't taken a damn thing. Perhaps the migraine that was splitting his head open was his punishment for basically killing this girl. Why did he always have to be so selfish? Everything was him, him, him. He hated himself then.  
  
"Let me know if it gets any worse okay?" Carol then stood up and left the staff room still holding her coffee. Twenty seconds later, Doug was beeped. The small beep seemed to drill holes into his skull as he frantically tried to turn it off. He didn't even have to look. He already knew it was Mark. Nobody else would beep him. Mark was probably waiting by the office, so Doug got up and made his way to his next grueling assignment.  
  
**  
  
Mark rolled his latest patient, abdomen pain into Exam 1 and watched out for Doug.  
  
"Mark, is there anything I can help you with?" John Carter came up and looked at the patients. Three med students huddled around Mark to assist.  
  
"What's up? Doug then appeared wearing his blue doctor's scrubs. He was looking a little flushed.  
  
"Where the hell were you? I beeped you like 3 times," Mark turned to him, and then asked the patient that was complaining a question.  
  
"I was.. around.." Doug responded. Mark gave an instruction to a nearby nurse and then threw up his hands a bit towards Doug as he walked away from the bed.  
  
"Oh that's just great Doug. You're two hours late for work and you haven't done a single thing all day but bring in a serious epiletic patient that you didn't even bother to tell me about!"  
  
"I didn't know Mark! Why are you always getting on my case - worry about yourself."  
  
"I can't. I'm your boss. You're a good pediatrician Doug.. When you want to be-" Mark was interuppted.  
  
"Mark? I need you in Tramua 2, Shephard is going into cardiac arrest," a nurse named Litiya peeked in.  
  
"We'll talk later," and with that Mark rushed out.  
  
Doug said nothing and stared after him. He put his hands to his hips and his head pounded on. A nurse he had seen before was standing out in the hall watching him.  
  
"I have a headache!" he basically yelled at her curious stare. But he had to get through the day. He couldn't be weak. Doug Ross couldn't be weak.  
  
"Dr. Ross, we have a teen here for who thinks she might be pregnant," a nurse informed Doug, shoving a clipboard into his hands. "Exam room 2," she added.  
  
"Can't Carol take it?"  
  
"She's in Tramua 2."  
  
"All right.." Doug finished off. Still looking at the girl's information, he entered Exam room 2 and found a girl who couldn't be more than 16 sitting on the bed, biting her bottom lip. He walked over to her trying to make himself look professional.  
  
"Casey Bennett?" He read the name that was written in bold letters on the top of the sheet. She slowly nodded.  
  
"I'm Dr. Ross. So you think you're pregnant? Have you already taken a home pregnancy test?" Doug pulled a stood up and sat in front of her, her head higher than his.  
  
"Yes. It came out positive," she cleared her voice and then said.  
  
"Okay, we're going to make sure. Take a urine sample, and then give you a check for STDs okay?"  
  
She nodded in responde. A young vietnamese nurse came in to assist. He could never remember her name.  
  
"Could you take it from here?" he asked her.  
  
"Sure," she answered then turned to Casey.  
  
"Let's go get you into one of those dreaded paper gowns," she smiled warmly.  
  
Doug left the room, and as soon as he did, his headache seemed to reach the worst point, and he was having shortness of breath. He was a doctor, this wasn't supposed to happen to him.His head felt like it was going to explode, and he could no longer walk. He fell to hi knees, his right hand over his lungs. Then, within seconds, he crumpled to the floor the last thing he heard was the calling of his own name. 


	3. Chapter 3

I even feel stupid putting this story up because it's written so bad. lol  
  
**  
  
Mark looked up from the clipboard in his hands long enough to see his friend Doug Ross pass out on the floor.  
  
"Doug!" he said loudly, hoping it was a joke as he ran to his side. Others gathered around to help their fellow co-worker who was as pale as ever, and sweating. Mark had always known Doug to be healthy. It was very odd seeing him in this condition.  
  
"Mark, what happened?"  
  
He heard Carol's voice, and she knelt down on the other side of Doug. Mark had just finished checking his pulse.  
  
"He just passed out.." Mark answered. Carol checked his breathing.  
  
"He's not breathing," she stated in alarm. A gurney was rolled beside them and Carter appeared to help lift their friend onto it.  
  
"Clear the ER!" Carol shouted as they wheeled him into the room. After hooking him up to numerous devices, Mark noticed bruising on his arms. It only meant one thing.  
  
"Carol," Mark brought her attention to the bruising. Carol opened her mouth a little bit to show shock.  
  
"Herion?"  
  
**  
  
Mark looked in the ICU room to see Doug laying there. They had worked on him for a while, when they got him breathing again. The thing that boggled him the most was the herion. The Doug Ross he knew would never in a million years even touch drugs. Now he had herion marks on his arm. He even checked to make sure, and it came out positive.  
  
"How's he doing?" Carol walked up beside him and crossed her arms.  
  
"Breathing on his own now, but barely," Mark answered flatly. He couldn't get the drugs out of his mind. Carol didn't answer for a moment.  
  
"Did you know he was taking drugs?" she suddenly asked not away from the window. Mark turned his head sharply to her.  
  
"What?! No way. This is as much as a surprise to me as it is to you." Mark looked back to Doug when she didn't answer.  
  
"Doug would be the last person I would think would be doing that to himself." Carol said. Mark looked at her again.  
  
"What about me?"  
  
"No, you know what I mean."  
  
Mark looked back at Doug.  
  
"What do you think made him do it?" he asked.  
  
Silence.  
  
"Stress?" Mark didn't have a better answer then hers. Doug was a level headed person. Something must have pushed him over the edge.  
  
**  
  
Doug slowly opened his eyes. And he remembered everything that had happened. He had lost consciousness right in the middle of the hospital, making a fool of himself. He had reached the limit and had become officially weak. Doug was usually the funny - smart ass type of guy. Never the type to be the one laying up in a hospital bed. Everyone knew that too.  
  
His whole body ached, though his headache had lifted a bit. He wondered how long he had been out.  
  
"You're up." It was Mark, he walked into the ICU room. Doug coughed, his throat was so dry.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
Mark stood at the end of the bed.  
  
"How are you feeling?"  
  
"Never better Mark, and you?" he decided to try one of his smartass remarks. But Mark didn't smile.  
  
"What are those marks on your arm," he said trying to make it sound like a question, but it sounded like he already knew the answer. Doug looked down at his left arm and saw small bruises around the crook of his arm. He looked back at Mark, not recalling where he had got them from.  
  
"What'd you guys do to me?" he asked Mark. The doctor in front of him looked confused.  
  
"What? You did that to yourself."  
  
Doug was flabbergasted.  
  
"To myself? And how do you figure that?" he demanded back, not having a clue what Mark was clearly getting at.  
  
"Oh come on Doug-"  
  
"What the hell are you talking about, Mark?" he tried to sit up, but was being held back with tubes that were attached to his body. Mark turned angry.  
  
"You know damn well what I'm talking about. The herion!" Mark narrowed his eyebrows. Doug opened his eyes wider.  
  
"You think I.."  
  
"How else, Doug?" Mark demanded.  
  
"I have NEVER done drugs!" Doug sat up this time alert and angry about the accusation.  
  
"Your little girlfriend tested positive also," Mark added. Doug tried to think back to the night before. Drugs did not come into the picture. "You guys must've done it together."  
  
"Do you really think that less of me Mark, that I'd use drugs?" Doug asked seriously.  
  
"You can never judge a book by it's cover.." was all he said. Doug wanted to yell at him. Scream. But he didn't. He tried to think of a logical explanation.  
  
"She must have injected it into me while I was passed out.. That bitch.."  
  
"Well, nothing you can do about it now." Marked switched the clipboard to his right hand to his left, sounding as if he wasn't convinced.  
  
"Oh just leave me alone.." Doug rasped out not wanting to even look at Mark's face then.  
  
"Fine." And Mark left the room.  
  
Doug leaned his head back and closed his eyes. They hadn't gotten himself any morphene for the pain. His whole body ached like he had been at the gym for hours on end. He still had his terrible migraine, and his breathing was wheezy and shallow. Doug opened his eyes and inspected his left arm. Sure enough, those were needle marks, most likely herion. But how? Could he have been so drunk that he would do this to himself? It was unbelieable. He was a doctor. He knew better.  
  
Fighting the pain, the nausea, and the dizziness, he got the IV needle out of his right arm, and stood up. More dizziness swept over him and for a moment he thought he would throw up. But the feeling passed, and he walked into the bathroom. Doug turned on the light and got a glimpse of himself for the first time in a while. He looked way worse than he had this morning. He was sweating, yet he was cold. There were dark circles under his eyes and his skin looked so pale.  
  
Doug found his scrubs in a bag on the floor with his ID tucked away inside, and he quickly changed out of the gown. Funny. He could see his ass through the gown. He almost smiled, but didn't.  
  
Once dressed, he wondered how he was going to get out of the hospital, with all of his colleagues around. But somehow he made it, keeping his face hidden from anyone he knew well.  
  
Out in the hospital staff parking lot, Doug's blazer still sat where he had left it hours ago, crooked and parking across two stalls. He wanted to sleep so badly, and just wanted to go to his bed and sleep forever. Concentrating on driving home was the hard part. Doug got into the driver's seat of the blazer and rested his hot forehead on the steering wheel. A whole bunch of questions raced through his head. How come he had taken Herion? What exactly did happen last night? How come he felt so bad? Usually Doug could figure out things like that.. But his brain couldn't function right. Before almost passing out in his car, he started the blazer and drove off of hospital property.  
  
** 


	4. Chapter 4

Thanks for the reviews. Hehe didn't think people would actually read this. Okay guys, after this part, I have one more, and that's all I have written. I neeeeeeed ideas if I'm going to continue. This story has been in the works, well for 5 years, and I have nothing new written. *begs for ideas* Okay, read on. lol  
  
**  
  
Mark looked through the open door of Doug's room to find an empty bed. Doug had left.  
  
"Shit," he muttered, always knowing him to be stubborn but he would have though he would have a better head on his shoulders to at least stay. Mark went back downstairs to the main floor. He would try calling his place.  
  
Doug finally arrived at his apartment, and threw his keys on the kitchen table. He didn't even want to turn on any lights. His eyes half closed and his head pounding, Doug entered his bedroom and collapsed on his unmade double bed. Not even a minute later, his phone rang right beside his ear. He covered his head with a pillow already knowing it was Mark. The phone rang two more times, then the machine clicked on.  
  
"Hey, this is DOCTOR Doug Ross. I'm not in right now, so leave a message.. or something."  
  
He had made the recording right after finishing up his medicine degree which a long time again.  
  
"Doug? Pick up. I know you're there.. Come on pick up." He was right; it was Mark. "You're very sick, and you need help. Come on Doug, you're smarter than this. You know you shouldn't have left.." Pause. "I'll come by after my shift." And the machine clicked off.  
  
Doug tried to relax all of the muscles in his body and to just try and get some sleep, but a farmilar voice alerted him awake.  
  
"Why did you kill me?"  
  
Doug turned his head sharply to the left and squinted his eyes. That was Nadine's voice. A figure was standing just beyond the open doorwar to his bedroom. It *was* Nadine.  
  
"Wha?" Was he seeing things? Hadn't she died? She spoke again.  
  
"Why did you kill me Doug." Her voice was cold, and her stare was hard.  
  
Doug sat up this time and looked at her. It was dark, and he could not see her face very clearly.  
  
"I..I didn't kill you." He sat up this time. She didn't move.  
  
"Yes you did and you know it," she responded angrily. Doug reached over and flipped on his lamp. Light flooded the room. She was gone.  
  
He was confused. Sweat dripped down his forehead, yet the rest of his body was shivering. Not thinking any ,ore of it more than a stupid hullcination, he fell asleep.  
  
**  
  
"Hey Jerry, page me if Mrs. Clarke wakes up from her coma," Mark waved his hand to the large desk clerk. Jerry nodded, and said he goodbyes to Dr. Greene. Mark put his dufflebag on his shoulder and walked out of the hospital. It was around 10:30pm and his shift was over, though it was a little early for him to getting off. His shift usually ended well after midnight some days. He had called Doug's but had gotten the machine again.  
  
Mark had to admit that he was worried about his friend. He shouldn't have acted so 'accusing' earlier. That's probably what made Doug leave in the first place. He had left a message on his answering machine saying how he would stop by. And hell, he had nobody to go home to, so he might as well stop in to check on him. Maybe reason with him a little bit.  
  
** 


	5. Chapter 5

Okay this is the last part I have written. I have a little more written, but I didn't care for it, so if I wrote more I'm going to change it. I don't have any ideas for the rest of this thing either.. Hmm..  
  
**  
  
Mark arrived at Doug's apartment and knocked loudly. Knowing him, he was probably asleep. He knocked again, and waited impatiently looking at the apartments down the hall.  
  
Still no answer, or any noise inside of any kind.  
  
Nothing.  
  
Mark began to worry. He knew Doug shouldn't have left the hospital. Mark tried the door knob.. and surprisingly found it unlocked. He let himself into the dark apartment and closed the door. The place was a mess, but that was nothing new. He took off his jacket and walked to the open door of Doug's bedroom. Sure enough, Doug laid there, sprawled on his stomach over the covers.  
  
"Hey Doug," Mark called out in a steady tone. It was dark, but he could tell that he was breathing. A very good sign. However, Doug did not even stir to Mark's words. So he tried again.  
  
"Hey Doug, wake up man."  
  
Silence. Mark walked in a little bit and shook his shoulder. Doug woke up with a start and popped his head up.  
  
"Wha?" he mumbled. He saw Mark then and put his head back down.  
  
"Are you doing okay?" Mark asked. Doug hesitated then raised his head and sat up. He groaned and put his head in his hands.  
  
"What time is it?" he asked, rubbed his eyes and looked at Mark. Mark looked at his watch.  
  
"Near 11pm," he answered. Doug groaned and lifted his head from his hands. Mark could see sweat dripping from his hairline, and his eyes were red. "God Doug, how long have you been using herion?"  
  
Doug snapped his head up and narrowed his eyes.  
  
"I do *not* use herion," he said strongly and stood up, swaying a little bit. He shook his head and walked into the bathroom that connected to his bedroom. He left the door open.  
  
Mark sat down on the bed and watched Doug splash water on his face. If he was not using, what other explanation was there?  
  
**  
  
Doug turned off the taps after running water through his short hair. The only thing he could think of was that he had a fever. A big one at that. The same sweaty feeling he had had when Sharon had been cheating on him. That had sure hit him hard.  
  
He couldn't believe that Mark thought that he had done herion. Doug was a friggin Doctor, didn't he think he knew better than that?  
  
The pounding in his head came back and he rested his head in his arms on the counter still standing. He stood there for a few minutes and then left the washroom. Mark stood up and followed him out of the bedroom into the dark living room. Then she appeared.  
  
It was Nadine and she was sitting on the couch glaring at Doug. He went to say something to her angry stare, but Mark sat down in the exact spot where Nadine had been sitting.  
  
"Didn't you see her??" Doug pointed at the couch. Mark looked beside him.  
  
"See what?" He was confused.  
  
"Nadine.. She was just there. You didn't see her?"  
  
Mark's face softened.  
  
"Doug, I think you're just blaming yourself for her death.."  
  
"..No *she* is blaming me for her death.." he muttered back and sat down on the couch beside Mark.  
  
"Am I going crazy Mark?" He spoke up again without turning his head.  
  
"No, you're just sick. Seeing things. If you would have stayed at the hospital... You know you should have stayed."  
  
"I don't need the fucking hospital. I can handle it," answered Doug stubbornly.  
  
"Look at you! You're seeing this chick's ghost! Do you really think you can handle it?" Mark stood up and half shouted down to Doug.  
  
"Oh just get out of here.." Doug rashed out. He was susprised to see Mark getting mad at him so easily. It was almost never that the two argued over personal issues.  
  
"Listen to me Doug. You need to come back to the hospital. You know you do." Mark raised his hands and said. Sure, Doug knew he probably should be kept under observation, but he couldn't stand those hospital beds. Being locked up in a white room like he was clinically insane or something. There was no way that he could take it.  
  
"If I'm in one of those rooms again I'll..I'll.." Doug stood up and walked past Mark. The room was fairly dark, though light from the open washroom shone out in a beam that just missed his feet. He rested both hands on the back of an armchair and put his head down.  
  
"You'll what Doug? Lose your huge ego for letting your friends help you? Is that really such a big deal?"  
  
Mark didn't understand anything. That wasn't the reason.  
  
"That's not the reason," Doug answered but didn't look up. It seemed hard for him to talk about.  
  
"Then what it is, huh?" Mark sounded like he thought he was just making the whole thing up.  
  
** 


End file.
